Humpty Dumpty was a nihilist

Humpty Dumpty - WW Denslow

Go into your kitchen and break a glass. (You sense a moral here, but do it anyway.) Now, what do we (note: this does not imply I am in any way responsible for your decision to obey my imperative) have to hand to put Humpty Dumpty back together again? A plaster, superglue, paper mache, a welding iron? You get the point. You do, right?

What doesn't kill you does not make you stronger. Oh, it's just a saying? Well then write it on a piece of paper instead of saying it to someone in a bind. Because you may be scratching at a hairline crack or chip in the rim. I have seen people smash a glass or mug that is chipped and apparently harbouring all sorts of bacteria. This is a great metaphor, right?

People are not only flawed but damaged. Yes, even you. We're all wandering around hiding hairline cracks so that no one smashes us. To kill the bacteria or stop you from infecting everyone. Or something. This is still a good metaphor, because some people seek out other damaged people and smash them, on purpose but not consciously.

Even a saintly person, who takes in more orphans than she has resources for, may be operating from a desire to give herself up like a sacrifice, drown in other peoples' traumas or withhold luxury from herself and even the orphans. This isn't to say she's not a good person or altruistic, but she's still human.

By nature humans have to be selfish. Each one of us is glued to one spot in a fleshy box. You can't even explore the box, unless you have been breathing in fumes, but even then you just think you're exploring the box. Apart from the fact that any living creature defends its own territory, and especially when as far as we're concerned going beyond your room in the box is walking into a sci-fi movie (which rarely ends well), we may also have Stockholm Syndrome.

(That last bit may be facetious, I don't know. Part of me believes it.)

This was definitely not My Point. My Point is a) never use sayings like that in real life because you are asking for me to smash something and b) don't cast the first stone unless you are sure it doesn't have a log in it, which is unlikely because this box is made of wood. Or something.

Ever heard the claim that abused children often grow up to be abusers? Trauma begets trauma. Cracks breed more cracks, which is the real reason why people smash the glasses and mugs. This is my contribution to the Tree of the Human Condition. That people seek out other people to crack and smash, because what salves a weakness like shattering someone else's? Even the saint harbours a grudge against society or wealth or whatever.

This isn't some devilish spell; it's just unfortunate, like the flaws of our poor hero Hamlet, who is fated by the thoughts that he acts on, on purpose but unconsciously.

Ha! There is a third point! Now that I have completely depressed you (thereby perhaps fulfilling my destiny to seek out other people's chi) I am going to uplift you with the unexpected joy of the Nihilist. No, not really. That's ludicrous. But I still think I am more idealistic, even realistic, than most.

c) If most of the terrible offshoots of humanity, like poverty, McDonalds and the Vikings, are beaten into us, there is still space for us to be inherently... good is not the right word. None of us deserve haloes, my friend. Deserving of respect. Having integrity.

In my experience, treating people with respect is an investment. Even though they may be wary at first, most come around. It's a selfish ploy, really: you catch more flies with honey (disclaimer: as yet untested, because flies also like garbage) and what I want is more honey. But it's a principle I believe in (probably having wedged it into a crack), in the innate sense of belief (not the kind where you expect a deity to shower you with cash, upon which you visit said deity regularly in case they have more to spare).

The rewards have been like sunlight versus a flashlight of attempts to smash me. (Well, until now, but I also believe I will survive, even if a little less steady.)

For my belief to remain intact-ish, it's not necessary that the person reciprocate (although it is preferable because honey is expensive). Respecting other people is like respecting my image in a mirror. I am witnessing my own sense of integrity in action. If people respond they can see it too.

If that arrow didn't kill me... I'd be a warrior princess.

People usually don't call me idealistic, especially not realistic - they call me naive. How I hate that word. I see the world, and folks, it's not pretty. I cannot accept that half of the world's population is starving, and that isn't even an accurate representation because a subsistence farmer is not in my mind starving. But that a single child starves tonight disgusts me and that we (including me) don't rage in the streets to save that child disgusts me.

Is it naive to believe that child, as a human being, has a fundamental right to respect? To know that she is starving because we're all chipped and afraid of the box we are confined to? To know she is starving on purpose if not consciously? And to know there is nothing I can do to save her or her siblings?

Now you don't have to be a rocket scientist to realise this desire to be Superwoman to the world represents my own need to be cared for. Perhaps even my belief in our innate right to respect and power of integrity. But of all the kinds of chips, I'm okay with this one.

Lately I have been called naive for taking all the motivational speeches and books and blah blah at face value. People have integrity, I yelled, jumping into the fray. But apparently I overlooked the disclaimer: except within the walls of capitalism, upon which they become automatons concerned only with their own survival and that of the structure around them. Right. This is just the way it is, they tell me. Another tried and tested saying. Because life is not filled with surprises. Everything is as it appears. Right.

'The way it is' is this: a society is made up of people. Some people have more and some people have less power. But every single event that happens is related to people. Made up of persons. We have integrity, but we also have cracks that sometimes obscure our integrity. These things, together with a host of creepy crawlies hitherto unmentioned, affect how we interact with the world.

You may feel you have no power; but you have the power to assert your integrity, which (in my experience) usually reflects back from your environment.

My brand of naive nihilism says that (and this is crude and chauvinist) you need to grow some balls and man up. That you respect yourself and the people around you, and you don't let people tell you that you (and they) are worth less than that. You jump into the fray, yelling 'Integrity', but you also pack steel, because some people are looking for a crack to widen. Or something. That when you see someone on the ground you lob them over your shoulder, because when you lay him down, you'll see he has your face.

I can't promise you that you will always win. I can't promise wealth, glory or a picket fence. But I can promise you that if you call me naive or try to patronise me, I will smash your face.