Whether you realise (or recognise) it or not, we all have strategies to keep ourselves safe. Ones we have honed without knowing it over time. Sometimes those strategies are designed to keep us in a comfort zone in which we are unsafe. Because the hell we know is always better than the hell we don't (or that we imagine is waiting just ahead). And sometimes staying there is safer than walking a rickety bridge to a potential mirage.
For me, success is more daunting than failure.
My point is that I'm back. That working myself into the ground is not as easy as it sounds, because there is always more ground and it seems that I like to dig and that I could do this indefinitely because I have a will to survive that laughs in the face of self-made strategies. That it is waiting for the rest of me to finally choose to cross the bridge and the next and the next. That it has edged me onto the bridge while I wasn't looking, taken a step back, edged forward some more etc., and that I didn't fall off and that even if I had, or sometimes wanted to, my will would just laugh some more, right itself and enjoy the adventure.
That, in spite (literally) of the burnt part of me that makes me cynical of the things I hold most dear as if to protect them from others by beating them myself, I really like the part of me that just gets out of the way of the fire, taking the things I hold most dear with it.
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